loy·al·ty [ loi-uhl-tee]
Faithful adherence [steady devotion, support, allegiance,
or attachment] to a sovereign, government, leader, cause,
etc.,as in loyalty to the belief system of our family of origin.
The thing about loyalty is that there is a faithfulness,
devotion, and attachment to a certain way of thinking,
even if that way of thinking is harmful to us. We can
end up being loyal to a faulty belief system
- even unto death.
Where Do We Get Our Belief System?
Our belief system comes from the things we heard as a child from our parents,
grandparents, and extended family members. Inferred information contributes to our belief system, and is often dysfunctional because our family is dysfunctional. Those ideas and beliefs, whether verbally expressed or inferred, become the very foundation of our belief system and we carry them with us throughout our lives.
Whenever I had a problem when I was a child, I tried to communicate and express my emotions about my problem but my parents would tell me to "shut up." A child doesn't understand that the parents don't know how to deal with their child's emotions. Instead, the child feels rejected and begins to ask itself, "What's wrong with me? My parents must not like me because they won't listen to me." This teaches the child that they are not worthy of nurture and love, which becomes a core belief system. That child will grow up to pass on the same belief system to their children.
If, instead, the parents resolved the child's problem by allowing the child to express their emotions about the problem, the child then feels valued because the parents helped them resolve the conflict. The child then learns that their conflicts, wounds, or "owies" can be fixed!
When we enter puberty, we are already "programmed" by what we have seen and heard from our parents. Much of that information has wounded us, yet we still believe it as we age. This dysfunctional belief system never works for us in adulthood; it never brings us joy, happiness, resolution of conflict, etc. We go crazy trying to manage our emotions but cannot succeed. ........... Continue
What Is Life Skills?
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When we learn why we do the things we do, we are able to focus on healing our wounds and changing our own behaviors. We will then begin to grow, mature, develop true character, and develop healthy relationships. Life Skills will give you the information and tools you need to reach your fullest potential in any area of your life, including personal relationships. We will help you break the cycle of family issues that go from generation to generation. Watch the video and hear from the founder of Life Skills, Dr. Paul Hegstrom.
Life Skills International
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